Jessalyn Miranda Combs

     Well, Boog, Waylon started back to school today and boy was he excited.  You know how he always was when he was out for the holidays, I think he was getting bored at home with me.  He spent alot of last week with your Daddy riding in the woods and swinging on his swing.  I think he ate all your Granny Liz's groceries and your Aunt Janice made him a chocolate cake.(Spoiled Rotten) as you used to call him. 

     Well, I can imagine what you are thinking about your Daddy moving to Atlanta.  He left today & I'm sure it will be a long ride for him by himself.  I know you'll keep him company. Derrall went to Tampa today too, try to send him one of your little signs to send him a smile, he needs one. I love you.

     Well Gal, Tommorrow we will be living in a New Year, 2008 and I wish with all my heart, that you could be here too.  In a way, I'm glad to be bidding adieu to 2007, it has been such a devastating year.  But, I'm also dreading the coming of a new year because last year at this time, I never would have expected to lose my only Daughter to a good-for-nothing-Drunk Driver.  So saying goodbye to 2007 only leaves me dreading what this year may bring.  It will soon be 7 months that you were taken from me and each one has been just as hard to live through as the other.

     I miss you so very much and you may get tired of me looking up to Heaven each night telling you so, But, I will continue to talk to you and look for your special little signs you send to me as long as I have breathe in me, whether it's been 7 months or 7 years. 

     I did get through Christmas, but it was one of the hardest trials I've been through.  It just wasn't the same without you.  You would be so proud of Austin, he grabs your picture off the coffee table when he comes over and puts it on the floor, sits on the picture as though he's trying to sit on your lap.  He also looks at your pictures & points his little pudgy finger and says,"Boog". (I wonder who taught him that)  Waylon seemed to enjoy Christmas but you could look at him and tell that he knew that his Sissy should be there beside him, helping him open his gifts.

     I look at the Angel on the Tree & I think of you, I wonder if your looking down to see what we are doing without you,(You always had to know what was going on with everybody) Everything I hear, everything I see, reminds me of you which is good I guess, But, there again, it only makes me miss you more!  I love you, Boog and please ask God to keep Our Family, Friends & Neighbors safe throughout the New Year.  Your only a heartbeat away....

     We took Waylon to the Annual Christmas Parade again this year.  I was going to skip it this year because everything makes me think of you and how much I want you to be here with us.  But, I knew that you would want to see Waylon smile again & so did I.  He seemed to really enjoy himself, except for the loud noises from the sirens.  He misses you just as much as I do and Me, Derrall & your Daddy try so hard to hide our emotions in front of him and try to keep him happy & occupied.  I can't stand to see him so sad & depressed like the rest of us, it just breaks my heart even more.  He is excited about Christmas and he says so all the time now along with, "Church". I know his words are few but when he does speak, it brings a little joy to me through a rough & trying time.

     Me & Derrall found you a Pink Christmas Tree that I plan to decorate & take to the Cemetary.  I know you would want some "Bling" during the Holidays like always.  We rode out to the Cross today & brightened-up your lights.  I heard that another Girl was killed on the same High-way this week.  I pray for her Family just like I do for ours, it's a hard road to travel & a lonely one as well.  I want you to know that your in my thoughts & close to my heart every second of every day.  Just please help me through these Holidays, Boog, It just don't seem real that you aren't here to spread your special Holiday Cheer.  I Love You....  

     We made it through our first Thanksgiving without you, although it was devastatingly hard.  I hope the Lord will forgive me, for not feeling very thankful, but I had a battle with my emotions & I just couldn't get pass the anger & disappointment to give thanks.  I know in my heart that I am being selfish & somewhat jealous but, don't I have a right to be?  For years, I gave thanks for my Family & my home & I'm still greatful, but now my Family is no longer complete & my home is no longer filled with laughter & peace.  I've searched my soul & for the life of me, I can't understand, Why.   I just can't imagine how God could possibly need you more than this Family does.  I know that one day, I will witness God's plan, But, right now, I can only feel the lonliness & see the disadvantages of My Daughter's life being tragically taken.

     I pray each day that I will receive that peace in my heart that is promised to us as a child of God.  But, today & all these days before, I don't have my Daughter with me therefore, there's no peace within me. I see others with their Families  laughing, hugging & rejoicing & my heart just aches.  I know it wasn't very long ago that My Family was complete & full of that same greatful bliss. I've always considered myself to be a somewhat strong person but, losing you has brought me to my knees & weakened every part of my soul.  Your Mama has lost a part of herself & I can no longer identify with who I used to be.  You were a part of my life that I proudly related to & I wanted only the best of everything for you.  As I close my eyes each night, I pray that you are in a better place & that you have the very best that Heaven can offer. 

     I give thanks for having the chance to be your Mama, for sharing 19 years of your sweet being & all the beautiful memories we shared together.  This World was a better place to be with you as part of its beauty & without you here, my world has turned grey & silent.  I love you, Jessalyn & miss you more each day.

Jessalyn, This week we will be giving thanks for all the wonderful blessings we have had in our lives & this is extremely hard for me, because right now, I don't feel like searching my soul for the good things.  All I am able to think about are the negative things, like losing My Beautiful Daughter and wondering, "why." 

This week has been so hard for me, I see others getting ready for the holidays & planning their Christmas Lists & for the first time, I don't have a list from you with all the things you want.  My mind has been bombarded with thoughts of you & lately I see your face all through the day & even when I close my eyes at night.  It's like a slide-show with only pictures of you.  No matter what I'm doing, I see you doing something that you used to do & it paralyzes my thoughts & body.  I enter a world that I can't explain, some may call it day-dreaming, I just know that a piece of me is gone & I can't function like I used to, since you've been gone. 

Me & Waylon were alone for the first time last night, since you were called home & it wasn't a pretty sight.  Waylon sat in your room & tears ran down his face & it broke my heart.  I try to stay calm in front of him, but I see those big brown eyes filled with hurt & sadness, I just lose it.  He misses you so much & he can't express his feelings like we can & this only adds to the devastation.  If only all Parents knew how blessed they were to have their Children with them & for them to be healthy. 

Baby, please send me strength & stay close to me through these lonely & sad days.  You & your memories are in my heart and always on my mind.

Momma loves you.......

Boog , It's Friday night 11-16-07 and i haven't lit a candle in awhile and visited your site it just gets hard too , Cause you should be here . Jessalyn things in all our lives have change so much since you been gone the happiness you brought to everyone and the funny things you would come up with just out of the blue .Made our lives just a little better we try and remember every little thing that you did and every place you went with us . Sometimes we get so mad and then we thank GOD we had you in our lives as long as we did . But for me my little friend i miss you so much.I cry just sitting here writing this to you. The pain will never stop and our tears never will . Boog we all miss you so much and we know we will see you again someday . Sometimes we get a glance of you or we feel you around us so smile that pretty smile down on us and send us all a butterfly kiss . Spead those beautiful wings Angel until we meet again . We all love you & Miss you JESSALYN  . With all our Love Uncle Gary Aunt Celle  Casey, Justin & Jacob.

We had our first Family Reunion without you on Saturday & just as I expected, I missed you like crazy.  I tried to play with all the kids just as you would have, I tried to smile at everyone, just as you would have.  But, I couldn't be as strong as you would have, I tried, but it didn't work.  I looked at your cousins telling their Mama's goodbye & heard parents telling their Children,"Be Careful" before they left & it broke my heart to know that You would have been right there beside me, Waylon & Derrall waiting to take a picture, playing with Austin & asking your Nanny, what did she need help with? 

Jessalyn, I never considered Myself, to be a lucky person, But, now I know that just by having you in my life & you being the Daughter you were to me, made me one of the most Blessed Mothers in the world.  I miss being able to share our secrets or what we considered to be secrets & trading gossip each day(yours was always juicier than mine).  People always say, If these walls could talk, Well these days it's, If these walls could talk back.  I catch myself talking to the walls around here quite often.  You were an amazing Young Lady & I will continue to tell everyone & everything how much I Love You & how I look forward to the  day that I will grab You and hug You for hours & hold your hand for days at a time.

I ask you to please keep presenting your spirit around us & letting us know that you are here with us. Whether it be a swirling butterfly landing on Austins' hand, a Penny or dime by your car for us to find or my favorite, the Blinking-Blue lights on your car tires.  Just keep showing us that determination to be noticed that always got our attention while you were here with us.  Stay with me Jessalyn, any way you can, I can't make it on my own.......

Jessalyn you are our sunshine then now & always we all go down the road thinking of you . We go to places were we have been with you . Memories flood our minds sometimes we laugh and sometimes we wanted just break down and cry . Your happiness made everyone smile and when you hurt it made us mad cause we couldn't make it stop . The people's lives you touched will never be the same .You was not my neice by blood but i love you just the same. Life here without sure has change , we all  have change in differant ways .We can't go back and we wouldn't only to bring you back if we could.We understand God needed you more .We all know you are with each and everyone of us and we thank you for the warmth that you send to us when we need it. So my neice JESSALYN MIRANDA COMBS  we all love you   more everyday since you been gone . There will be Justice in your name some how -someway we all will get this done . So Sunshine shine bright high up above and we will look up to you and Thank You for all you done .

 How Bout' Them Dawgs !    

Jessalyn, We watched the game this weekend with your Nanna Sylvia, Derrick & Amanda & we missed you so much. Nanna Sylvia looked at your memorial site for the first time & she said it was pretty & sweet just like you.  She can't believe your gone either.  Derrall cooked         squash on Sunday with the added flavoring of a few tears, He always thinks of you when he cooks squash, we knew you loved it so much & Waylon makes sure he eats enough fried okra from Lyman Green's for the both of you. We rode by our old neighborhood in Jacksonville & you wouldn't believe how much it's changed, thank God, we got out of       there when we did.  I'm missing you alot lately & having a rough time dealing with everything, I can't quit asking questions, but no none is  offering me any answers.  Forgive me if you see me crying all the time, but it's the only way I know to express the way I'm feeling.  I can't    even get excited about Halloween like we always did, because it           reminds me of death & I know you can't be here to enjoy decorating & dressing up with me.  I stayed up late last night & made candy bags    for Waylon's class & I kept looking beside me wishing you were there  next to me filling your treat bags for your kids @ daycare like we used to do.  I bet they miss you too, You gave those kids your all &              protected them like a Mother Hen.  I remember you going to the door   last year each time the doorbell rang, to see if one of the Trick or          Treaters might be one of your students.  Oh, How I miss you, Boog, But I know you & Jake were both grinnng from ear to ear when Our             Bulldogs finally gave us a victory.                                                             

      It seems like all we can do is sit back & wait on the fate of the Monster that killed You, We were told a few months back that He was well over the legal limit for driving with alchohol in his sytem, now we are still waiting on his Drug results.  It's going on 5 months and he is still destroying our lives, even if the drug results come back positive, we will have to wait for those results to be sent to Gainesville to be what is called, "quanitized".  This will determine the amount of drugs in his system & how much impairment was caused.  This could take just as long to get back as it has been so far.  I just don't know if I can hold out much longer, worried each time I visit the Cross & fearing that we will see him driving around (even though he's not licensed to drive) or just riding by with his Family.  We can't ride around with Jessalyn, nor can she drive her car out of our driveway, thanks to him & his stupidity & desire for a quick buzz.

     I pray everyday that he is punished to the max & that he is taken off the streets before he kills someone else's child or even his own.  He can turn his head when he sees us at her cross but there will be a time when he will have to directly face Our Heavenly Father & Jessalyn at a much bigger Cross.  I promise you, Jessalyn, I will do everything in my power to see this through, every letter I write, every phone call I make & every question I ask, will be in honor of You  and your senseless loss of life.  I am your Mother & I have alot of you in me, so they better watch-out!!!!!