Jessalyn Miranda Combs

These cold mornings remind me of You going outside in your pajamas to start your car, so it would seem like it was warm when you left for work.  I  was so proud of you each time I seen you leave for work.  You put your heart and soul into taking care of other people's children.  So, forgive me if I can't understand why you were never given a chance to be a Momma too.  Keep us warm with your angel wings and comfort us with your spiritual presence.  I love you Lu-Lu, Your in my thoughts every second of every day.

                            MISSING YOU

     Missing you coming up the road half asleep still in your favorite panjama pants.  Looking to see where you're mama had went.  You would come in & see her, then ask her,"Why did you leave me?" "I had to come looking for you.""Did you buy me a drink?" "What are Ya'll doin?"  Then we would tell you,"Just sitting here talking about you." Then you would say "Good conversation." (Ha!Ha!) Mama & I would look at each other & just shake our heads.

     Jessalyn, You wouldn't let your mama far out of your reach. You had to know everywhere she had went & what she had done.  It would make you so mad if she would leave & not tell you where she was going or where she had been.

Like one Friday, your mama & I had rode down the road to a yard sale & you had come home for lunch & of course, she was with me at the yardsale.  You came looking for us & couldn't find us & boy, did you get upset.  You left your mama a cute little note on the counter of the kitchen, to let her know that you had tried to find us.  After you got home later that day, you wanted to know what we got & did we but you anything & of course, we always did.

     Well, there is alot more to this & I could talk about them everyday, all day long, But, this is just a part of the memories you left with us.  Maybe, we can talk about them all when we see you in Heaven. Our Beautiful Angel, Jessalyn Combs. 

     I have alot of memories of you Jessalyn. I remember the time that you went to West Palm Beach with me on a business trip. We stopped & had lunch at a pancake house & you insisted on having the strawberry ones. You were young & asked a million questions on that trip & I tried to answer them all. We stopped on the way home, at the outlets mall in St.Augustine & bought you some earrings & some clothes. You were always thankful for things that were bought for you.

     This will be the first Christmas in many years that Your Mama ,Waylon, You and Me have not went Christmas shopping together, it will not be the same.  But I promise, You will not be forgotten this Christmas or any Christmas as long as this old boy is alive.

     I think of the little talks that we use to have, they meant a lot to me. Here I am writing about memories that I have of you, there is not enough space on this computer to list them all. This I know for sure, that I loved you then & I love you now & that I will love you forever. Rest easy Sweetheart, until I can see you again in Heaven.

     I'll always remember meeting Jessalyn for the first time, I thought this Girl is going to be a Little Tattle-Tale who's going to pester the heck out of me.  Then She became My Step-Sister.  I've never had a Sister, but if I could have had My choice, She would have been the one I'd pick.  Every time I would crank-up a vehicle, She was right there in the passenger's seat, even if We didn't go anywhere. 

      

      Jessalyn grew to be more than just My Step-Sister, She was My Partner.  If she needed something fixed or added to her car, She'd hunt me down.  She always looked out for Me as much as I did her.  Everyone said that She was a Female version of Me, We both loved to pick on each other & loved to ride in the woods. 

    Just a few weeks before she passed away, She was one of the first people I called, to let know that I was going to be a Daddy.  I don't know who was excited more, Me or Her.  I would give anything, if She could be here when He is born, to spoil him rotten & enjoy being a Proud Aunt.  She would be so happy to know that the baby is due in January.  She'd say,"Ya'll better have that Youngin on My Birthday!" 

     I miss You Jessalyn, every time I drive past Your Cross, I admit, I get mad as hell, but, then I think of all the good times We had together & how glad that You were My Lil' Sis.  If You were still here, I'd let You feed My chickens like You used to say You would, & I'll always be Your "Big, Protective Brother" and" You'll always be My Partner!"  I Love You & miss You, Sis.......                             

  Red-Neck  

      Brother &

              Sister

     The Fair is in town this week and it makes me think of You getting all dressed up  and planning a night out with Your Friends.  I can remember always giving You the lecture before You left, Telling You not to get into any trouble, while You constantly rolled Your eyes (something You knew drove Me crazy) and as always before You would leave, I would tell You to be careful and then We both would tell each other, almost at the same time, "I Love You."  If You only knew how much I worried about You each time You left the house. Alot of sleepless nights comes with being a Mother, especially the Mom of a Teenage Daughter.  But nothing can compare to the sleepless nights I have now that You are gone.  Only, these nights, I don't worry if You are okay, I know that You are in God's Heavenly Kingdom, standing right beside Him, asking Him a  thousand questions......

      But, the dark & stillness of the night brings an emptiness to Me that is unexplainable and uncontrollable.  I close My eyes at night & I either see You laying in that hospital bed, so beautiful yet, so still.  The image of Your face, just before the wreck haunts me as well.  I try to erase those images & replace them with all the beauty and happiness You brought into My life, But that only makes Me want You back with Me even more... 

     These dreary rainy days brings back memories of You laying on the couch, all bundled up in your comforter sleeping like an Angel, that is until someone would wake You up and then that Angel turned into a lion.  Me, Waylon & Derrall miss You so much around the house and there's so much that reminds us of You.

     I am already dreading the upcoming Holidays (You're favorite time of the Year) I can't even imagine how Derrall's going to manage his Christmas Shopping without You telling him what to buy & talking him into buying something extra for You, (Like You did on Mother's Day).  Memories are special & nobody can take those from Me, but sometimes it HURTS to remember....

  I will always remember those talks that you had with me .  You were aways here when I needed you to watch Justin & Jacob, If i needed to go to the store . It seems just like yesterday and thats how I will always remember  them. Because I know you were my niece but I don"t think I could love you anymore than if you were my own . But I know I could never love u like your Momma does . Jessalyn you were my friend also and the talks we had I will always remember . Uncle Gary was so proud of you . He will always remember fixing you a steak whether you were at the house or not . So THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES.  You should be here to make more .

This past Weekend, me and Derrall planted flowers in the yard, I kept waiting for you to pull up and say "How much did ya'll pay for those?, Did you buy me anything?"  Baby, if you were here, I'd buy you the moon & stars.  While we were planting the flowers, me and Derrall had you on our minds so much, it hurt so bad that I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach.  I don't know if I can keep going without you, so please keep showing your presence in the little things you do, We have all witnessed them!  I'll always remember your sweet voice and beautiful smile and yes, even those flaring nostrils you used to aggravate me with.  I love you with all my broken heart........

I'll always remember the time we were able to share with each other while we lived in Atlanta (Hiram,GA) We were both miserable living up there, but I thank God every day for being able to spend each day with you.  I guess this is when You became my Best Friend as well as my Daughter.

We shared alot of laughs, you picking at Derrall while he watched t.v., Me & You looking for yard-sales down all those back roads, and watching Waylon getting on the Schooooool Bus!

I'll never forget your companionship and you begging your Daddy to come up to see you (which worked majority of the time)