If roses grow in Heaven,

Lord Pick a Bunch for me,

Place them in Jessalyns arms ,

And tell her they're from me,

Tell her that I love and Miss her ,

And when she turns to Smile,

Place a kiss on her cheek and hold her for me,

Because Remembering her is easy,

I Do It Everyday

But there an ache Within my Heart

Iim missing her today and everyday

   Nurtured by time, through the highs & the lows,

   The love which is theirs, ever deepens & grows.

   And both turn more patient, as days become years.

   Growing older and wiser, through gladness and tears.                  

         They cling to each other, in times of despair.

         Taking comfort in knowing, the other one's there.

         Providing support, with a look or a touch,

         It's the littlest things that to them, mean so much.

   Deeply concerned, for the ones they hold dear,

   They make Birthdays & Holidays all through the year.

   Building Family Traditions, each step of the way,                   

   Sharing good news & bad, as they go day-to-day.                    

                  They're a Mother & Daughter and right from the start,

                  They were "forever joined" in a place of the heart.

                  And the lifetime of love, which they willingly give,

                  Will enhance & sustain them, as long as they live.

     We finally received your Headstone on Saturday, We have waited so long to honor your existence and memorialize your Beauty & Grace with a little more Beauty.  I hope that you like it, Your Friends say that you would have picked it out yourself.  It stopped raining just long enough for it to be installed, I don't think I could have waited another hour.  Now when Family and Friends visit, they will have their memories of you in their hearts and a picture and memorial to remind them that Angels do live on Earth, if only for a brief moment.

Oh how my heart breaks for the familyof beautiful Angel Jessalyn. As I read the words and view her pictures, I want to express to each of you that this journey is not a pleasant one, nor is it one that is fixable. Your loss is still so very fresh, so new and so encompassed with anger, fear, denial and the most absorbing heartache that one could ever feel.  I hate to say this, but..."I've been there and done that." It's not a good place to be.

I am so sorry for the loss of such a beautiful young lady, gone too young, gone too soon, just as our Andrew left us on July 16th, 2005.  He too, died of injuries sustained in an auto accident that ejected him from his car four days earlier.  He never woke up, he never opened his eyes and he never responded to pain.  He was maintained on life support until 11:00AM on the 16th of July when it was confirmed that in addition to the massive head trauma, he had suffered numerous strokes and was declared legally brain dead.  He was taken to the operating room six hours later for organ percurment, where 8 other people now live on because of Andrew's wish to be an organ donor.

Ironically, hes just a year older than your beautiful daughter. He would have celebrated his 21st birthday on January 26th, 2008. (born on Jan 26, 1987.)  Time has begun to heal the gaping wounds within the hearts and souls of our family and so many of his friends. On the other hand, there are days when something snaps within me and I fall completely apart as if he just left us. 

Please accept my heartfelt concolences.  I feel for each of you as this emotional roller coaster is so unpredicatable. May God richly bless each of you and I pray that Jessalyn is dancing in Heaven with Andrew. They are so much better off than we are, but that's so difficult to make broken hearts understand.

Please visit Andrew's site as well:

http://andrew-collins.last-memories.com

Debi Collins 

debi.lynne@hotmail.com

Jessalyn,

  We thought of you with love today,

but that is nothing new We thought about

you yesterday and days before

that too, We think of you in

silance.

We often speak your name ALL WE HAVE
are memories and your picture in a frame.

Your memory is in my keepsake with which WE"LL

never part.

God has you in his keeping.

We have you in our heart.

"Gone Yet Never Forgotten"

Nanny & Papa Bullard

      How can a heart be so full of love & happy memories & yet so empty at the same time?  Ever since I lost my liitle girl, I lost a part of me & I spend every day looking for a hint of the harmony  I experienced before June 3, 2007.  I know that she is in a better place & not because everybody tells me that, but I honestly feel that she is living without sadness, hurt or regret in a place far greater than any of us have ever experienced.  But at the same time, I'm so hurt & angry that she's not here to share all the things we used to & unable to talk about & predict what each of our future's held.(We were so sure that our future's would include each other)  I feel like I've been split into two pieces, the one side that's thankful for each & every second I was blessed with a Daughter & a Best Friend, the fullness I felt as her Mother & the love I felt each time she spoke or was near & then there's the other side, the one that keeps me awake at night & brings me to my knees.  This side yearns for a piece of my other side instead of the emptiness, heartache & fear that so boldly has taken me over.  I feel empty because she's no longer at my side each day, I feel heartache because not only can I not plan my future, I don't even want to think about it, cause she's not here to join me. Then there is the fear.  The fear that I'll forget what her voice sounds like or that everyone else will forget about her & quit speaking her name.

     I know that we are our own person, but I fully believe that the loved ones we are blessed with in our lives help to create who we are & what we end up being.  So, right now, I have a heart that just won't heal & a very important part of my life has been taken from me, so forgive me, if I don't feel whole like I used to & I look like I'm walking through this life sad & lost, I'm searching for that piece to complete me, I'm looking for my Little Girl! 

        Happy "20th" Birthday Angel !!!

     We got up early this morning and bought you some Balloons & Flowers.  We took them to your cross, laid the flowers at the foot & tied the balloons with care.  Our faces were soaked with tears as we let the Butterfly Balloon go and watched it slowly fly away toward Heaven.  About 5 minutes later, as we sadly drove down the road, Derrall's cell phone bagan to alarm.  It was the calendar on his phone reminding him today was your Birthday.  We both looked at each other with smiles on our faces as Derrall stated, Jessalyn just got her balloon in Heaven!  I wish you were here today, I would smother you with hugs and kisses and never let you go.

     We love you Jessalyn, and miss you so much, send us strength to carry on and faith to understand what cannot be changed...

                                                         2008

                              A New Year 

                             &

                  A Year closer  

                        to You,

                      My Angel!

"Dear Mom, I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say "I Love You" . I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Don't be sad really is a neathinking about me.. This t place. I had people meet me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD ! And guess what, Mom, I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like good byeI was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you  and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom ? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter. I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'Where was He when I needed him ?' "God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children. Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is ! just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool ? I have to g ive God His pen back now He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore. The hurt is all gone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery ! How about that ?

Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.

A WEEKEND THAT WE TOOK AS A FAMILY TO GET AWAY FROM ALL THE COMOTION. A WEEKEND THAT WAS IN MEMORY OF YOU, WE WISH THAT YOU COULD HAVE BEEN THERE WITH US BUT WE KNOW AND SAW YOU THERE IN SPRIT! WE LOVE YOU JESSALYN AND MISS YOU SO MUCH!

     I never knew, until I became a Mom, how much a Mother cries.  I cried while I was carrying her for 9 months, because I couldn't wait to see her, not to mention the hormones fluctuating up & down.  I cried when I first saw her face because she was so beautiful & also, for fear that I would let her down as a Parent.  I knew that if I could be half the Mother that My Mama was, I would do right by her & protect her throughout her life. 

     I cried when I went to work & dropped her off at the Baby-Sitters for the first-time.  I cried when I saw her take her first steps, said her first word, & everytime she had to get a shot at the Doctor's office.  I cried as I sat in the car outside the jewelry store as my Friend, Stacia took her to get her ears pierced at the 3 months old.  I cried when I went to her class Play at Westside Elem. & realized that she had forgot to tell me that she was the Star of the Show, singing a solo as Calamity-Jane.  She never could understand why I cried when she became a "lady", little did she know, that was when I knew she was well on her way to becoming an Adult & I knew the road to being her own person with her own values & ideas was right around the corner. 

     I cried when she went on her first date, when she got her Drivers' License, & when I saw the fear on her face that night in the Emergency room when her & Angelica had the 4-Wheeler accident.  Each time she let peer pressure persuade her into doing things that were not always in her best interest as well as all the times she surprised us with an act of kindness & support to others, also made me cry.  I realized that all those years, I worried about her & feared I hadn't spent enough time with her because of My Job, those were the years that she had grown-up the most, by helping me with Waylon, keeping a stable Home, & observing every move I made, so that I could hear her tell me, not too long ago, that, "She wanted to work where I used- to & be able to cook for Her Man, like me."  When I saw that she had dyed her hair, the same color of mine on Mother's Day, & she no longer winced everytime someone told her that she looked more & more like me the older she got, made me cry tears of content & satisfaction.  I had met that goal, I had set in, January of 1988, to raise a Daughter to be well-liked, well-respected, independent & to have a heart that accepted any & everyone & to share her "Old-Soul" that she had been so richly blessed with. 

    I remember when she turned 17, I cried all through her Birthday Party & all night long afterwards.  I tried to explain to her, that I had witnessed a Sassy, Head-strong Little Girl, grow into a Gorgeous, Respectful Young Lady, with a future that was planned to include, Marriage, Children & Her Family as well as the moral values she had consumed growing up way too soon.  Now I cry, because I know that this World & its' inhabitants are far better off for knowing my Daughter, But far less fortunate for losing a Woman with so much to offer everyone & everything she would have encountered. 

     As I mentioned earlier, I cried the day My Life was blessed with Jessalyn, because I never knew I deserved so much happiness & Beauty in my life at such a young age. But, those tears could never compare to the river of tears I have cried since that dreadful night that I was told, "She didn't make it."  Matter of fact, they have not stopped since & I know they never will. Until that wonderful day, that I see My Little Girl again, then & only then, will my tears of emptiness & heartache be turned into tears of joy & jubilation. 

     I will always remember, every single tear that I cried because of Her & every single tear that I wiped from her eyes, as a little girl with a skinned knee or a Teenager suffering with a Broken-Heart.  Because, what she did not know, each time she cried, Her Mama cried too.

Dear Lord:

 Thank you for the angel you lent us for awhile, she brought us laughter and an everlasting smile.  She loved us, inspired us, our own guiding light, now she smiles  in Heaven, with wings of pure white.  She will forever walk softly in our hearts and in our dreams, when our feelings run rampant, and our tears begin to fall , her spirit will surround us, lending comfort to one and all.

 We will always miss her, time can not erase the pain, yet, we will always be grateful, that into our lives....Our precious Jessalyn came.

Weep not for me
now that I have passed.
Remember the laughter, the affection, the joy
not just the recent tears.
Cherish the memories, our hopes and dreams.
Hold fast to the love that we shared.
Be happy with the time we spent together
and being anew.
For I am not really gone,
I am closer than ever before.
As the morning sun rises
and throughout the busy day...I am with you.
Until the setting sun disappears on the horizon
and we watch the day turn into night...I am here.
You may feel a faint breeze stir round your head, while you slumber
as I gently kiss your forehead, "Good night."
The stars that shine so brightly in my heavenly sky
help me watch over you and keep you from harm.
I am the wind in the trees
and the song of a bird.
I am moonbeams in a midnight sky
and a glorious rainbow after the storm.
I am morning dew
and freshly-fallen snow.
I am a butterfly flying overhead
and a puppy happily at play.
I am a smile on a stranger's face
a gentle touch
a warm embrace.
Listen to the wind for my message of love.
Watch the sun rise and set in the sky with me.
Feel my essence encircle you with warm memories.
Open your heart to know...I am not gone.
Reach deep into your soul...You will find me.
I am here.
Have no fear.
I am with you,
Always.

A PRAYER WE PRAY FOR MELISSA!

Lord, lift her up
When she is down
Give her hope and peace

She cries to you and ask for help
As all her tears are released.

Send her a song, a smell, a voice
To bring her daughter near
If perhaps in just a memory
Of a time she had Jessalyn here.

I know that she was chosen, Lord,
To be Jessalyn's Mom on earth....
And she has always been SPECIAL
From the moment of her birth!

For Moms that had their child for a day,
A month, or many years,
The time seems all too short to them
And they have shed so many tears.

You gave her the "mother-heart"
So I know You understand,
And when she falls in her grief,
I pray You'll take her hand and

guide her to some peace!

Too Often

Too often we don't realize

What we have until it's gone.

Too often we wait too late to say

"I'm sorry - I was wrong."

Sometimes it seems we hurt the ones

We hold dearest to our hearts;

And we allow foolish things

To tear our lives apart.

Far too many times we let

Unimportant things into our minds

And then it's too late

To see what made us blind.

So be sure that you let people know

How much they mean to you.

Take the time to say the words

Before your time is through.

Be sure that you appreciate

Eveything You've got;

And be thankful for the little things

in life that mean alot.

When The Unexpected Comes

Through the unexpected things
That happens in our lives
We draw from God the strength we need
To carry on with Christ

For He will always hold us up
Whenever it gets too tough
And carry us through the hardest times
When we can’t feel His love

I know that at these times we feel
Abandoned by our Lord
We wonder what is going on
We can’t feel His presence at all

But He has not abandoned us
Nor forsaken us in our need
He allows the unexpected things
Be life lessons we should heed

So we will grow with deeper faith
And be strengthened in the Lord
Then when we face the storms of life
We’ll be stronger than before

So when the unexpected comes
Remember God’s in control
And nothing in life is ever wasted
But are memories that we hold

So when others come across our path
That are facing what we’ve faced
We’re more than able to share God’s love
And touch them with His grace.

THE BROKEN CHAIN

We little knew that morning that
God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly,
In death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
You did not go alone;
For part of us went with you,
The day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories,
Your love is still our guide;
And though we cannot see you,
You are always at our side.
Our family chain is broken
And nothing seems the same,
But as God calls us one by one,
The chain will link again.

       GEORGIA           

      BULLDOGS          

         U. G. A.